Shootings

Every week it seems there’s another random shooting where some troubled man, usually white, but not always, kills several or more innocent strangers.

And every week, we go on, and become a little more desensitized to it. We can’t pretend it’s not an epidemic. It’s become in vogue among troubled, childless young men.

If you’re reading this and you think there’s some romantic idea in going out in a blaze of glory, I have a message for you.

I have some authority to speak here. I’ve suffered depression on and off for 15 years. I know there is no cure for most mental disorders. I’ve become convinced that unlike doctors who treat heart disease, most (but not all) mental health professionals haven’t a clue how to help us. I’m sure the best they can do in many cases is treat and stabilize us, like a diabetic. Sometimes they misdiagnose us. In my case, I believe I was given an anti depressant which caused a manic episode.
I’ve felt hopeless at times. Sometimes my son is the only thing that keeps me going.
I’m 30 years old. A couple of years ago I had good credit, a wife, a newborn son, and I was in night school. I had a lot to look forward to, and I was still only in my mid 20s. I thought by now I’d have an accounting degree and be on my way to a CPA.

Now: I live with my mother. I have no wife, no girlfriend. I work third shift, and make just enough money to survive. I can’t go back to school, not now. I have no time and no money. I can’t get a loan because I just went through bankruptcy. Even after chapter 7, I still owe my mother $2,000, and I have no idea where it will come from. I owe $7,000 on student loans for schooling I didn’t finish.

I tried to get a part time job, but I have my son almost all the time I’m not working or (supposed to be) sleeping. Life’s rough. On top of that, I have seasonal depression and my on/off third shift schedule has left me more sleep deprived than Tyler Durden.
Why has this happened to me? Partly because, as I said, I was given the wrong medication and it led to a manic episode which went unchecked, but mostly because I made every wrong decision imaginable. I couldn’t help it, it seemed.

But there’s one thing I didn’t do, and that’s shoot people. I had access to guns, mind you. They’re as easy to get as a drivers license in my state. Easier, maybe. Why do some depressed men become murderers while others suffer in silence, or, better yet, as I have done, try repeatedly to get help, even when it seems the help is mediocre?
Family relationships? Children? Different hardwiring in the brain?
I know all of that’s probably true, but some of it has to do with the value we place on human life.

If you’re thinking about violence, stop. Wait. Think. You can always act later. You can’t take it back. That’s someone’s kid you’re going to kill. It might be mine. That’s someone’s parent. And you’re someone’s kid.
There are times when I felt no one cared about me, or needed me, but it’s not literally true. Every life is valuable, and yours is, too. You may feel life is hopeless, but that feeling comes and goes. There is something you can contribute. Write about it. Talk about it.
A mass shooting and suicide won’t get you fame. It won’t get you help. It’ll get you dead, and if there’s an afterlife, you’ll be justly punished. If you have depression, you have my empathy. It’s an illness and people who suffer with it deserve empathy; and help. But you lose that empathy and any sympathy the minute you hurt others. There’s no good in murder, no lesson to be learned, no greater good, no big picture. It’s just evil and the most worthless thing you can do.
I said I don’t believe there’s a cure for most mental illnesses, but there are treatments, and they help. They may not make your life everything you want it to be, but whose is? They can make it worth living, and life is worth living. You’re not going to get another one, either, and neither are any people whose lives you take.
You have a responsibility to reach out for help. It won’t be easy, but it can happen.

And to politicians, it’s time to stop ignoring this problem. For a generation, we’ve shut down mental health hospitals and resources, and basically replaced them with jails. This is where we prefer to house troubled males. Apparently, we’d rather wait for them to get so ill they hurt people, then imprison them, rather than treating them.
I know getting people help is expensive, but how expensive is removing potentially productive working people from society? Would you rather admit there’s a problem with emasculated males as we move (rightly so) from a patriarchal society to a more even one, or continue to ignore the problem and say occasional murder is the price we pay for a free society?

To those of you who know someone who fits this profile, you have a responsibility, too. We all do. Contrary to popular belief, nobody just snaps. There are always warning signs. If you see them, tell someone.

As I said above, guns are easily and legally obtained where I live. I’ve been pro second amendment my whole life, and believe strongly that eliminating guns won’t eliminate crime or murder. I believe I have the right to defend myself and my son, too. But it’s time to stop pretending the ease with which the mentally ill obtain firearms isn’t a problem, either. To hell with medical privacy. We all can do something to stop this scourge. How many more people have to die?